Despite the shenanigans around the brand this year, the official Top Gear: Extreme Parking Challenge still seemed like it was worth a download – a last fling with the three Amigos and their cars, the music pumping, and so on. However, this is mainly a logo-branding exercise in that you don’t get ANY of the presenters OR any of the music. The 3D rendered world is decent enough (thanks to the Unity game engine), the challenges real enough and the controls are useable. Just don’t expect much ‘Top Gear’ atmosphere, aside from the logos plastered onto everything… Oh, and watch out for the in-app purchases at every single turn and opportunity.

From the Store description:

Get behind the wheel of the Indestructible Pickup, our ‘Reasonably Priced Car’, Jezza’s Italian ‘Polizia’ Coupe or James’ ‘Rozzers’ Saloon. Use all your skills for the ultimate extreme parking challenge and chauffeur either the legendary “Alfaab” or the ridiculously long Giant Panda Limo.

We’ve simulated the layout and features of our Test Track for you to master the Hammerhead, Follow-Through and Gambon corners. Each vehicle has been created for an authentic Top Gear experience with real physics and finely tuned handling to work perfectly with your touch-screen.

So, can you negotiate the increasingly difficult courses and park in the fastest time with each of the Top Gear cars? Will you succeed spectacularly or fail hilariously?

• PRECISION DRIVING: Prove your driving skills by navigating the test track and challenging obstacle courses specially designed to push you to your driving limits. One crash and it’s game over!
• CHASE THE STIG: Chase The Stig in this hi-octane Racing Mode. Some say, “he can never be beaten”, but can you manage to keep up with the Legend?!
• TOTAL DESTRUCTION: Cause total carnage in the ALL NEW Destruction Mode. Smash through Caravans, the Cool Wall, the Top Gear Production Office, plus more iconic areas from the home of Top Gear. The more damage you cause, the more you score! Try to get maximum points before time runs out.
• REAL PHYSICS: Each car is lovingly recreated for an authentic Top Gear Experience. Only you can determine whether you win or lose. Real Physics and Tuned Handling work perfectly with your touch-screen device.
• EXPLORE THE TOP GEAR TEST TRACK: We’ve simulated the exact layout and features of the Top Gear Test Track. The World Famous venues premiere on Mobile devices. Can you master the hectic Hammerhead, the flat-out Follow-Through and the slidey Gambon corners? You’ll need to perfect them all to be the best.
• TOP COMPETITION: Online GameCenter Leaderboards let you compare BEST TIMES amongst your Friends and the rest of the World. Can you be the Top Star in Top Gear Extreme Parking? Each mode has separate GameCenter leaderboards to make for completely fair online competition!

• 6 Fantastic Top Gear Cars!
• Tons of Exciting Precision Parking and Racing Missions!
• Detailed Top Gear Test Track circuit – Officially on Mobile for the first time!
• Customisable control methods (including buttons, steering wheel or tilt)
• Multiple camera views (including Drivers Eye view)

Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? And, in fairness, there’s a decent 3D driving challenge game in here that’s struggling through the weight of freemium trappings and expectations from the branding and build-up.

A walkthrough of the game in action, to give you a flavour:

In action, first and foremost, driving a modelled truck, with working wing mirrors and (here) accelerometer controls. I’m following the Stig (apparently) in the truck up-front, around the Top Gear test track.

Production values are very high in some places (e.g. the title screen here) and appalling in others (the ‘buy’ dialogs and adverts)…

The main menu. Each car has to be bought through sheer slog or with real money, as is usual in the freemium world….

The ‘buy’ dialogs are crude and uninspiring, signs of a rushed port of this game to Windows Phone…

Control of the in-game care is decent enough – these are the default controls, though I switched out the steering very quickly, of course.

Completing one of the first challenges, parking a truck next to one of the many ‘Top Gear’-branded structures.

Each challenge has a slightly different nature – in this one, you have to deliberately smash through as many of these items as you can!

At every turn, almost, more reasons to give the publishers (lots of) money surface…

And this is….? Oh, it’s a full-screen advert, but scaled wrong and presented with just its top half in landscape mode and with no way to dismiss it. What???? Fail. Next.

Persevere a little and you can enjoy the modelling of the test track/airfield, race and destroy caravans and more. If you’re very, very patient. I’m not.

You can grab this in the Store here if you still feel like giving this a whirl… It’s a rush job though, for sure, and if you fell in love with Top Gear for the music and the personalities as much as the cars then you’ll be very disappointed.